Darth Vader’s Epic Voyage to Bonnaroo: The Force vs. PLUR

Long, long ago, in a galaxy not so far away…

Last weekend, the Force was exceptionally strong at Bonnaroo. Guess who decided to take a break from ruling the galaxy to make an appearance? Darth Vader! And no, I’m not pulling your leg. The Dark Lord of the Sith himself rolled in his Tie Advanced x1 onto the field and boy, did the crowd go wild!

The moment he stepped out in his black cape and helmet, Darth Vader looked as if he was on a mission. But instead of Death Stars, it seemed like he was seeking Death Cab for Cutie. Could it be that the Dark Lord was a music junkie? 😱

Darth's PLUR Awakening

Vader made his way through the crowd, his red lightsaber accidentally acting like the most badass glow stick ever. But instead of sensing a disturbance in the Force, he felt something new—PLUR. For those of you who’ve never been to an intergalactic rave, PLUR stands for Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect. It’s the heart and soul of the rave community.

“PLUR, you must have,” Yoda’s ghost whispered in Vader’s ear.

“Yes, my master,” Darth responded in his deep, mechanical voice, as he tried to trade kandi with a girl in a unicorn onesie.

The Force Chokes... Literally

During Marshmello’s set, Darth seemed to be really getting into the groove until he saw someone cutting in line at a food truck. His Sith instincts kicked in and he Force choked the poor dude. The crowd gasped. A guy dressed as Obi-Wan shouted, “Dude, that’s not PLUR!”

Realizing his mistake, Vader released the guy. He then used the Force to give everyone in the vicinity a free taco.

Darth Raver and the Lure of the Dark Side

As night fell, Darth found himself at the EDM stage, surrounded by lightsabers and glow sticks. This was his place, his people.

But something strange happened. As the beats pulsated through the air, the Dark Side of the Force started mingling with the PLUR vibes. Vader felt torn. Could he be both the ruler of the galaxy and a devotee of PLUR?

Then, as if the Force had a sense of humor, the DJ dropped a remix of the Imperial March. Vader’s cape flowed to the beats and his lightsaber synced with the lasers. He broke into an otherworldly shuffle.

The Chosen PLUR

A voice echoed across the field. It was Emperor Palpatine hologram calling, “Lord Vader, we must discuss the conquest of the Outer Rim!”

“Not now, Sidious!” Darth shouted. “Can’t you see I’m shuffling?”

Suddenly, Vader lifted into the air with the Force. He realized that he could bring balance, not only to the Force but also to the PLUR. He became the Chosen PLUR, destined to rave across galaxies and bring Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect to all.

So, if you’re at Bonnaroo or any other festival and you see a towering figure in black with a red lightsaber, don’t be alarmed. It’s just Darth Vader, the Chosen PLUR, raving for a better galaxy.

May the PLUR be with you! 🖖🌌💜